Thursday, April 1, 2010

Hot Tubs, Mindfulness and The New Fertility

Oh my. It has been a while since my last post. So here's some seismic shift news:

My family of three has come closer together, my husband and I are engaging in way more physical skin to skin touch, and I'm enjoying being in the moment again.....soooo much more! All for the same reason!

Now before those of you who know anything is possible with me start wondering whether I've thrown all morals to the wind ( which I do on the odd occasion) and or adopted some kinky new lifestyle- I'll come clean-- literally. We recently invested in $6000.00 worth of perpetual family therapy. Our new guru of good times is 2 meters tall by 3 meters wide and has a very bubbly personality. Best yet- there's no need to make an appointment and no office hours to worry about.

If you guessed "hot tub" you get a gold star. Turns out I'd been going about this togetherness thing the wrong way. You know, winging about how we need time without screens, food, or chores involved. I've also been feeling less than sensual with my husband after more than a decade of marriage and it isn't just about how often we do it. It's about the quality of how we are together. He works from home and I work now and then- so we see each other all the time without really looking. Sound familiar? I take myself out on dates or sometimes my 11 yr old and I paint the town red, since hubby prefers home based activities such as reading.

Getting back to the hot tub is like getting back to nature. We peel off, slide in and let the heat of the water, the massage action of the jets, and the beauty of green pongas and the mini forest in our own lovely back yard work their magic. Often we don't speak at all, but if we do the conversation is unhurried and relaxed. If my husband and I are alone in the tub, there's no need to create intimacy. It's right there waiting. There's no pressure to try and get away from the house so we can unwind and be different with each other. Now instead of wishing he'd "take me out somewhere" I just ask if he'd like to join me outside. It's also a new favorite meditation spot for me in the early morning- sort of a liquid sanctuary-- who knew?

So, here's the point of my share. I know we can't all afford or maybe wouldn't even want a hot tub in our back yard. The gift and the reminder here for me is that the things we need and ask for as women can come to us in unexpected ways when we believe, affirm, and then let go of expectations. If I had gone out and bought a hot tub with the idea of it saving my marriage, fixing the disconnect in my family's lack of closeness, etc- it probably wouldn't have worked.
Instead, we just innocently went for the idea of a something that would bring us joy and voila- some prayers were answered ( I'm not even sure whether my two guys noticed or care).

This is what I believe pulls the weeds of stagnation, plants the seeds of delight and fertilizes the ground for rejuvenation. Focus on what brings magic, ease, and grace into one's awareness and then be grateful for whatever's there. Celebrate the full moon, cocktails, candle light, and what you do experience as good. When I invest in making the process more fun I'm also more likely to trust simple remedies to balance me when there is a sense of impatience, fatigue, discontent or heaviness. Ask yourself what does it for you? I'm a believer in power naps, walks by the beach and time spent journaling or meditating as easy to no energy required solutions for letting the juices replenish. Winter may be around the corner but what a good reason to get cozy in front of a fire and to justletgo.

Here's to mindfulness,

Love,

Gwen.