Heartstrings

Lately I've been really really emotional. So what. Its a gift if you look at it with open eyes and see past the relative humiliation of suddenly spitting out your stir fry with a big blubber over lunch. I don't have to dig for my feelings as if they were unwanted weeds in some neglected garden. I don't get out of touch very often either-- I cry easily, and laugh at times when its not exactly appropriate. No emotional constipation here. I like my humanity, I think that it's one of those midlife discoveries that comes as a relief after years of needing to keep it together.

Do you ever look at people in positions of power and or those with high public profiles and realize how lucky you are to able to cut lose whenever you want to? I do. There are few things I prize like being able to fuck up without anyone knowing about it. Imagine if your entire livelihood or self-image revolved around public opinion polls, rating games, how much weight you did or didn't gain in any given month. Ironic that individuals whose stature we can't help but admire have less freedom than most of us to behave as ordinary humans, ( to the extent they play the impression management game) and yet they're more successful- happier. Right?

What an insane notion to aspire to a life where because you've made it there's this implied pressure to have maximum control over what you project to others and to show your feelings less.

But then, one does admire the occasional Herculean feat of cool under pressure. What do you think?