She's Leaving Home

I’m 52 years old and it’s time—time for a journey home to myself. I’ve spent this life looking for, finding, and caring for a multitude of loves. Whether falling for a new man, a babe in arms, or losing myself in the thrill some new country or calling, these passions have in common that they are ultimately about something or someone external. Relationships are a woman’s great distraction from herself, as much as they are a place where we give and receive gifts. A few years ago I began to know this was incomplete for me. Not the whole story. The longing for a place and time to really face myself reached a fevered pitch upon emerging from the depths of grief 2 years after my mother died. My Mother’s song was sung, her precious life on earth had ended, but had she truly been her own person? Mistress of her own soul? Would I ever be? The answer seemed a resounding “not likely”-- unless I go away. Home is a place where losing myself in the business of care-giving has become all too habitual.

So I’m telling myself it’s now or never…In less than a month two dreaded twelve hour plane flights will see me leave my son and husband to fend for themselves, to answer a call on the other side of the globe. My hope is for a 6-week sojourn to lead me into deep recesses of all that I’ve been too busy or scared to discover about the truth of who I am- and to learn something about the forgotten history of who we as women once were. I’ve chosen Ireland for its’ well preserved ties to the Great Mother- the religion of the Goddess which the invasion of Roman Catholicism was unable to destroy. With the help of two local guides, the plan is to go climbing down into ancient sacred burial sites and meditate in deep forgotten wells. Where Druids once drank and ritual sacrifice was part of life, my challenge to myself will be to let go of my carefully constructed identity. To let go of living life engrossed in the glue of my for need for relationship- for mothering, caring for, sharing with, talking to, living for. I’m ready to give up the routines and comforts that keep me comfortably numb so that I bring back insights and inspiration into my daily life.

Wish me luck and watch this space…..

Wende.